Thursday, September 30, 2010

What I have to show...

What I have to show?
7 scars and a afro

Why I love my scars?

Well I worked way too hard and got this far.

Why I hate them?

Well I hated them because of the disfigurement

Why I got over it?

They are apart of me now, forever on my skin they sit

my afro...
how far will you grow?
love you 'fro
you bring about lots of soul
a side of me i neva knowed
yes at one point i relaxed you
wanted you to flow
who wudda knowed
one day you would just fall away
and leave me with nothing to say
but today
you are back
big curly and black
my 'fro
we go way back

1st Of Many

Sometimes (ALL THE TIME) you just gotta thank God for the things that happen in life. I was driving home tonight and broke down. A song I sang in choir tonight just smacked me in the head! "Selfless love hanging on a tree, for me." I think it just hit me that the Lord owes us nothing but he took it all on anyway. And many times we are so ungrateful and oblivious to what is going on.

Why I am doing this...

My tears tonight were from my soul. An honest shout from the soul, just to say thank you for saving me over and over and over again. That honest shout from the soul was louder that anything that could have ever come from my mouth.

The moment was unplanned, just riding home in silence. Thinkin' about the first time I heard that I had cancer and the second time as well which hurt even more. Then we had to talk about treatment. That was the worst. I don't even remember my last year of high school because my life was taken away from me. Do you know how it is? Today when i went to the doctor i realized that the things that are so familiar to me should not be. Getting blood drawn from all veins, getting told that they feel like they are pretty scared. What about, the surgeries, PET and CAT scans. all seem normal to me. It is my life. And you know all this time i have never blamed God because I believe there is a reason for everything. And now i know why.

My story is no long mine to keep. I think that would be down right selfish at this point. And what just hit me is the fact that, i am the voice for that little girl i saw to day and soooo many other children that can't tell you what is wrong and can't suck up the pain. Maybe it is good that they can't suck up pain, because then they would be here making a blog too.

I am just here to put whatever comes to mind out there for everyone to see.